Warm Bodies

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Lil Fatass: Did we really need another zombie movie?

Yolkie: Hell naw. but they were at least trying to do something different here.

LFA: Finish this sentence for me:  Warm Bodies is better than Twilight because…

Y: Because Twilight takes itself way too seriously.  Warm Bodies knows that zombies are stupid and need to be made fun of.  But the problem with both is that love conquers all.  That’s a problem.

LFA: The world of Warm Bodies is one of segregation and military dictatorship, is this a commentary on the war in Afghanistan?

Y: Very astute observation.   Terrorists just need to learn human love.  In order to do that, they need to befriend a human and then find a common enemy, like maybe a shark.

LFA: Dave Franco is very quietly becoming a big star.  Do you think this is warranted?

Y: Absolutely, my panties would hit the ground with a force greater than Thor.

LFA: The music in Warm Bodies seemed good, a little too good.

Y:  That depends who you are.  If you are a skinny white teenager it would be aces.

LFA: I just saw the Swedish House Mafia last night, it seems like if I was a zombie, that would be my zombie preference.

Y: I was there too, and I didn’t see many zombies there, maybe zero zombies.  Just a lot of 19 year old kids with furry hats and masks.

LFA: I had sex with a zombie.

Y: How was it?

LFA: The zombie butthole is looser than you might think.

LFA: Nicholas Hoult, better performance in Warm Bodies or A Single Man?

Y: A Single Man, but it’s hard compare because that movie so much better and so many fewer zombies.

LFA: I thought the last scene in the film was an allusion to Fight Club.

Y: Interesting, I thought that it was a reference to the Berlin Wall, with Bonies as the new Nazis and the zombies are like the homosexuals.

Werewolf Boy


Werewolf boy, I tried to love you.  Despite your stupid mute ways, I tried to see the beauty in your surprisingly unflawed face and glowing skin.  I was told you were hot hot HOT by my coworkers, Song Joong ki of the perfectly symmetrical features, but perhaps you are too, pre pubescent for my tastes.  Maybe as I have gotten older and realized that I could have given birth to you at least one time over (though not produced a baby with such perfect skin) that that is wrong on some level.  Or maybe I just think you are not really HOT, but maybe just symmetrical.  Like a round ball.  Or maybe I just grew frustrated with your stupidity.  I yelled at you several times in my head, saying GODDAMNIT why are you so stupid! but he can’t help it I know, because he is werewolf boy and doesn’t know any better.

블레이드 절대슬림이란 이런것! 얇고 강한 Lg xnote로 앞서가라!

블레이드 절대슬림이란 이런것! 얇고 강한 Lg xnote로 앞서가라! (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Anyhow, unfortunately, your story has been told many times before, in many different renditions.  The only difference being the girl in this case was pretty much a colossal bitch and completely unrelateable and unlikeable.  I wanted to like you werewolf boy and the movie you were in, I wanted to support you and your brotherhood, but you just dragged on and on and on until I had to kill you.  I’m sorry werewolf boy, you are dead….$2

If you heart Werewolf Boy

Recommendations from ….:
Twilight Saga

The Craft
King Kong

Woody Allen’s To Rome With Love

Woody Allen has some greats, but this is not one of them. Unfortunately, with this talented cast of characters including Roberto Benini, Penelope Cruz, Alec Baldwin, Ellen Paige, Jesse Eisenberg, Judy Davis, and Woody Allen – was not enough to make a good movie.  There were four different story lines – all of them loosely connected – but none of them related to each other in any worthwhile way.  In fact, the only story line remotely interesting was the Baldwin/Eisenberg/Paige story.  The others served as non sequitur tangents that filled the time and space with some trivial, less-than-interesting stories.  Each one started with curious promise, but were ultimately failures.


Allen successfully told the Baldwin/Eisenberg/Paige story in an inventive, exciting way. I would have like to have seen more of Baldwin act as a seen/unseen moral compass. Somehow, Allen seamlessly placed an entire walking and talking, yet imaginary, Alec Baldwin into the lives of these young Americans living in Rome. Loved it.

Another well-done feat was placing all the stories in different time lines.  One story, involving a newly married couple starting out in Rome, had a story that ran the course of a day.  At the same time, it parallels another story, the young Americans living in Rome, that covers several weeks. The transition from story to story, despite the time leaps, was flawless.

Those were refreshing techniques in story-telling, but the actual stories themselves lacked substance. Overall, the movie was barely charming, easy enough to watch, but pretty forgetful. Not that funny either. Allen uses quite a bit of slap-stick humor that I can’t say was successful. Given the number of movies that Allen churns out, they can’t all work. This one does not. I do not recommend you spend any money watching it in the theaters… $5

If you heart To Rome With Love

Recommendations from Yolkie:
Happenstance

Melinda and Melinda
Paris, Je T’aime

My Way

 

From the Kang Jye Gyu, the director of Tae Guk Gi, comes another movie about war but also about friendship.

My way I watched at theater was sad. It was opening Korean movie. There were two protagonists in the movie, one protagonist’s name was Jun-shik who was Korean . And, the other was Tatsuo who was Japanese. First, the story began to face adversarial relationship between Korea and Japan. This story was about poor Korea that was powerless country such as it was not like country; therefore, Japan reigned over Koreans and Korea. Second, the protagonists treated adversarial each other because of their countries. I liked both main characters but they fought each other, or they were in competition continuously. Third, they were forced to go to many kinds of wars which were in China, The Soviet Union and Germany. As a result, the protagonists couldn’t go back to their countries, and they couldn’t meet their families. Finally, many major characters died in the war. In summary, in the beginning of the story two characters competed in run. Jun-shik was Korean representative of the runner, and Tatsuo was Japanese representative of the runner; moreover, Korea was under Japanese colonial rule at the time. And the story continued a many kinds of their wars. Anyway the story was heartbreaking.

David Gelb’s Jiro Dreams of Sushi

Jiro Ono wakes at 4am – the hour of death – to meditate on the death of his monster. The greatest reverence a man can show to his monster is to eat the monster raw.

Jiro Ono takes a bath and scrubs any vulgar or false odor from his body. In his mind he removes the bones from his skeleton and scrubs each one in milk. When he is profoundly pure he gets out of the bath and stands naked beside an open window. Children passing on their way to school say, “The Master is drying.”

Jiro Ono eats eight raw oysters for breakfast. All night he dreamed of them sleeping in the refrigerator in their salt brine. All night they dreamed of Jiro Ono’s tongue.

Jiro Ono flaps to the subway station on a pair of wooden wings and flippers. As he touches down before the terminal the angels kneel and kiss the ground.

Jiro Ono speaks to the tuna – god of the sea – and touches his forehead to Its forehead. He says, “Here I thought I was teaching you to be a tuna. But really you were teaching me to be a man.”

Yoshikazu Ono makes sushi for six hours. At the end of six hours he takes all the sushi he made and throws it away. Then he wakes and makes sushi for twelve hours.

Neither Jiro Ono nor Yoshikazu Ono were born of WOMAN. There are no women in this film. But if there were their portions would be smaller. The Onos were born like Venus, swaddled in sea kelp, suckled in sea foam.

Jiro Ono eats the monster raw. From the moment the monster died until the moment it touched his lips there were minimal changes. Perhaps six hours. Perhaps six minutes separates them from being THE SAME ANIMAL. It is safe to say the monster nearly lived inside Jiro Ono.

Jiro Ono takes the day’s earnings. If ten people ate sushi that day it is 300,000 yen. He constructs a paper boat with the head of a swan. He sails the boat back home. Then he burns the boat.

Jiro Dreams of Sushi . . . $13

 

The Hunger Games

The Hunger Games (film)

The Hunger Games (film) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What can I possibly say about the Hunger Games which hasn’t already been said?  The Hunger Games, top box office for at least the last 4 weeks, grossing hundreds of millions of dollars in the last month, record sales for Lionsgate, and the number 3 opening box office of all time, is an entertaining film.  Given Team Katniss vs. Team Bella, Katniss could break Bella’s balls any time of day or night, obviously.

As a reader of the trilogy prior to this Hunger Games box office madness, I have to say I was a bit disappointed by the film.  The pace was good, the film, entertaining as a whole, but there was so much glossed over.  I mean, what can you do when you try to condense a few hundred pages of 1 person narrative into a omniscient film?  It’s a difficult feat to accomplish and the end result was not as good as the book (or the audiobook, check it out!), but at least the filmmakers made it somewhat enjoyable with lots of special effects….$8

If you heart The Hunger Games

Recommendations from …:
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Battle Royale (Japanese version)
Mission Impossible

The Lorax

The Lorax (film)

The Lorax (film) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I watched the Lorax on the big screen

time passed with laughter and screams

Ok maybe not screams, but it was pure delight

I urge you all to see it tonight.

Rhyming aside, Illumination film’s take on the Lorax extends beyond the book, and though Danny Devito does nothing to cover up his gruff voice, that reminded me back when he was a taxi cab driver, it was a lot of fun and if nothing else, imparted a good message to the young impressionable boys and girls, of how precious our earth is, and how easily consumerism and capitalism can ruin the fluffy truffula trees and de-fluff the cute little bears.

discover the forest lorax

discover the forest lorax (Photo credit: USDAgov)

I think this is a fabulous movie to watch with little kids, they’ll go gaga over the cute characters, though maybe not the best movie for a date.  It’s pretty much in line with what you’d expect as a follow up for Despicable Me, not quite a good and funny, but still enjoyable….$7

If you heart The Lorax

Recommendations from …:
Hop

Despicable Me
Toy Story

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