Somewhere illustrates how a movie star’s life can be just as dull as any regular asshole. Director Sofia Coppola has launched towards a downward trajectory of films that have become tedious to sit through.  Somewhere had a promising trailer, but it was a trick!  That Strokes song MADE the trailer, not a whole lot else to it.  After my experience with Marie Antoinette, I was not looking forward to this one, but I thought I would give Coppola one last chance.  And you blew it, Sofia.  I’m done with you.  Why?  You are asking me why I don’t want to see anymore of your painfully awful movies?  Because it is masturbatory nonsense you call art.  I don’t find anything interesting about lingering on each moment of this man’s excrutiatingly normal life.

Perhaps if there was a storyline or character to follow, there might be some meaningful connection to the movie.  But no, this movie lacked any kind of substance entirely.  At least Marie Antoinette was visually pleasing with all colorful costumes and food, in addition to an equally enchanting soundtrack .  Somewhere didn’t even have that going for it.  Instead we get to see Stephen Dorff with plaster covering his head for a good 30 seconds with nothing else to entertain us but heaving breathing.

Elle Fanning succeeded to win the audience with her youthful charm.  She did what she could with the role.  I would like to see more of her.  I don’t have anything to complain about Stephen Dorff’s performance, it wasn’t his fault that the writing was shit.  If you’ve seen the trailer, you’ve already gotten more than would you out of the movie… $3

If you heart Somewhere

Recommendations from Yolkie:
Marie Antoinette
Lost in Translation

About fatkidslist
The Fan’s Guide to Avoiding Movies that Suck Eggs and Shelling Out the $5 for Movies that Will Make Your Day

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