Werewolf Boy

Werewolf boy, I tried to love you.  Despite your stupid mute ways, I tried to see the beauty in your surprisingly unflawed face and glowing skin.  I was told you were hot hot HOT by my coworkers, Song Joong ki of the perfectly symmetrical features, but perhaps you are too, pre pubescent for my tastes.  Maybe as I have gotten older and realized that I could have given birth to you at least one time over (though not produced a baby with such perfect skin) that that is wrong on some level.  Or maybe I just think you are not really HOT, but maybe just symmetrical.  Like a round ball.  Or maybe I just grew frustrated with your stupidity.  I yelled at you several times in my head, saying GODDAMNIT why are you so stupid! but he can’t help it I know, because he is werewolf boy and doesn’t know any better.

블레이드 절대슬림이란 이런것! 얇고 강한 Lg xnote로 앞서가라!

블레이드 절대슬림이란 이런것! 얇고 강한 Lg xnote로 앞서가라! (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


Anyhow, unfortunately, your story has been told many times before, in many different renditions.  The only difference being the girl in this case was pretty much a colossal bitch and completely unrelateable and unlikeable.  I wanted to like you werewolf boy and the movie you were in, I wanted to support you and your brotherhood, but you just dragged on and on and on until I had to kill you.  I’m sorry werewolf boy, you are dead….$2

If you heart Werewolf Boy

Recommendations from ….:
Twilight Saga

The Craft
King Kong

Friends with Kids

Sometimes I need a movie like this to really motivate me into writing.  I saw it and I thought, the People need to know!!  The People being, two people who read this blog.  Myself being one of them, and I don’t even read it much.  Friends with Kids is one of the worst movies I’ve seen in a long time.

Friends with Kids features a good chunk of the Bridesmaids cast including Kristen Wiig, Jon Hamm, Maya Rudolph, and Chris O’Dowd, yet using none of their talented humor and charm.  Ed Burns and Megan Fox are beautiful props used to reveal the meaning of love. Writing/director/actor Jessica Westfeldt stars as a woman in her late-thirties who decides to have a baby with her best friend played by Adam Scott.  They decide to irreverently have the baby, while cleverly evading the calamities of marriage that have befallen their friends (see Bridemaids cast) – or so they think… dun dun dun!

Westfeldt wrote this story thinking she was creating a clever twist in modern day romance.  But this love story has been written – so many times. It’s akin to writing a love story about star-crossed lovers, but replacing the boy with a goat to spice up the story.

The result – absolutely conventional and boring.  I was cringing at the complete lack of effort placed in this story.  Westfeldt desperately tries to create an edgy story, but ultimately, traditional values of monogamy, true love, and family win out anyways.  Surprise, surprise… $2

If you heart Friends with Kids

Recommendations from Yolkie:
Kissing Jessica Stein

Friends with Money
Knocked Up

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 1

Some kids are really cute when they’re little and grow up to be really beautiful.  Some kids, like the unfortunate Jonathon Lipnicki from Jerry Maguire, or Haley Joel Osment, from Forrest Gump, and to a less cuter degree, Sixth Sense, are known for being awkward looking when they grow up.  When I look at the Harry Potter kids, ok, so they’re not awkward looking, but they were so much more preferable in their little itty bitty cuteness in the Sorcerer’s Stone.  Especially when the movie they are in is well, not so great.

So I will preface this by saying, I’m a big Harry Potter fan.  I read all the books, watched all the movies, and yes, I know that it’s not quite my generation to be such a big Harry Potter fan, but I’m a big dork.  So when they said they’re making two movies, I was like hey! more harry potter.  But dude, this was such a drag!  I think the only people who might like it are people who actually have followed the trials and tribulations of the trio for as long as I have and must see it to the end.

First of all, what’s up with all the weird angles.  Like it’ll be a beautiful long-distance shot, and then a weird close up on Harry’s nose.  Weird.  I mean, clearly the director is talented, some of the shots were beautiful, but there were all these weird interludes that just didn’t make sense.  And speaking of things that don’t make sense, what was up with the weird dance between Harry and Hermione?  It just made it seem like the director meant to do the parts into one film at first, found out it was 10 minutes too long, and fill it up with a bunch of other garbage to split it into two films.  There isn’t enough here to make it worthwhile on it’s own, but you kinda have to watch it to be able to finally watch the very last installment of the Harry Potter epic saga.

And the half nekked Ginny Weasley?  Really?  was that necessary?  I think not.

So I don’t regret my decision to watch this, just because it’s necessary to watch the last one, but on second thought, I should have probably waited until it came out on DVD….$2

f you heart Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 1:

Recommendations from …:
Harry Potter Part 1
Harry Potter Part 2
Harry Potter Part 3

She’s the One

Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Aniston and Edward Burns star in this 1996 romantic comedy about marriage and love, not necessarily with the same people.  Going into this movie, I admit, I had really low expectations.  Cameron Diaz + Jennifer Aniston + romantic comedy?  That sounds like a recipe for disaster.  However, I was pleasantly surprised and attribute that all to Edward Burns’ writing.

Cameron Diaz plays the role of bitch well, surprising considering her typical girl-next-door character, and it is amazing how beautiful and fresh both Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Aniston look.  Granted this was filmed about 16 years ago, I looked much more fresh back then too <sigh>.

Anyhow, not a great movie by any means, an really rather predictable but better than general cursory, superficial glance would initially judge…$2

If you heart She’s the One:

Recommendations from …:

The Break-Up
Along Came Polly
Something’s Gotta Give

Recommendations from The Mug:

Beautiful Girls
The Brothers McMullen
Goodwill Hunting


Salt was….salty.  And by salty I mean, not very good.  The marketing for this campaign was spot on…Who is Salt?  And this continued throughout the movie.  I was left confused 60% of the movie, which generally does not in principle, make for good movie.  The other 40% of the time, I was either bored, marveling at Angelina Jolie’s long long lashes and wondering if she uses Latisse (ok, I watch a LOT of hulu and by the way, Claire Danes is looking good these days!), and for the remaining time, amazed by how thin Angelina Jolie looked for being in her late 30s and resolving to go on a diet.

Angelina Jolie’s appearance alone gave it one star cuz she’s hot, but from that point onwards, there isn’t much to give it more stars.  Sure there were ok fight scenes, good to see girls kicking ass, but since I watch a lot of “Chuck” these days, I’m used to super hot girls kicking ass.  There was a small twist in the plot, but it was a little too obvious what was going to happen and entirely too obvious there will be a Salt 2.  One thing I would add is there is a pretty killer kill scene in the last 10 minutes of the movie, which almost makes it worth sitting through the movie and feeling your brain melt.  On second thought, nah, it’s not really worth it. Watch the inevitable clip of the scene on youtube  and you’re set.  It is rather amazing seeing how flexible angelina jolie is;  she must do a lot of yoga.

If I had to analyze this, the movie is defined by the word “anti-climactic” and is an extra long preview for Salt 2 that ran 2 hours too long.  On the other hand, the length of the movie does exhibit Angelina’s ability to swing any hair color or style.  I bet she would even look good as a redhead!

In my books, if you are a hardcore Angelina Jolie fan, this *might* be worth watching in the theaters.  For most, you’d be better off waiting until it comes out on disc, or better yet, wait until Salt II comes out on disc so you can watch the preview and THEN the real movie. . . $2

If you heart Salt:

Recommendations from …
Mr. and Mrs. Smith
Bourne Identity series


The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

O Eclipse! Why waste my breath on you? Bad reviews will not slow you down – you are a unstoppable! You are a juggernaut of pre-adolescent fantasy and gray makeup. You have posed the question – how will art fare on the market if you severely restrict the capacity for intellectual stimulation? And the retarded hordes of romance-starved women have answered the call! How calculating you are. How many monkeys and how many typewriters did you employ?

Dear Bella! How disappointed you will be when you discover that Edward can’t achieve a chubby. How you must have dreamed of doing battle with that chubby! Slaying the chubby night after night! But the dragon has long been dead. He is decomposing. How long and melancholy your wedding night will be. Were you convinced there was another reason he could not have vampire babies? Did you think he was shooting blanks? Did you think you would become a barren woman? Those would be favorable scenarios. Alas, the man only enjoys coming in his pants. Perhaps if your vagina was on his leg you could work something out. But no such luck.

It crossed my mind the Twilight Saga will become that series that people watch twenty years from now ironically – for their very badness. And in that scenario, you with your syphilitic army of newborn vampires has achieved a camp value beyond the previous two. But until you age into something palatable you are merely boring . . . $2

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

Do not fret. You are not the worst I’ve seen this year. Sex and the City 2 was much worse. So much less a movie than you. At least you did not spend all your money on hats and slow-motion photography. At least you have a cast! And what a cast – Ben Kingsley, Alfred Molina, Jake Gyllenhaal. You could have done much worse. I got a lot of pleasure pondering over why would such talented people sign on for this movie – the conclusion I arrived at was money. Was it money? I knew it.

But Gemma Arterton is actually one of the most gorgeous women I’ve ever seen in my life. I think you knew that. To not have been aware of her beauty would be to accuse you of a mental handicap. I do not think you are mentally handicapped. You get a little ridiculous at times. You fling some mud around. You throw some ostriches in there for what seems like no good reason. But there were good moments too. For instance where the king gets immolated in his robe like an enormous cigar. Good job on that!

It’s true you are nothing special. You are no Citizen Kane. You are exceedingly mediocre. D+ student. You are the iHop of fine dining. Still, you are no Sex in the City 2 and that is something to rejoice over. You are not wholly tragic. If there were only two movies in the world – you and Sex in the City 2 – you would be the greatest movie in the world. Think of that! Lucky for us, there are many more movies in the world to choose from . . . $2

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