Adrienne Shelly’s Waitress

For those who enjoy Woody Allen flicks for their fresh, often affirming view of infidelity – but don’t enjoy them because they think Woody himself is crusty and a lecher – Adrienne Shelly’s Waitress should be on your list. No film that I’ve seen recently has handled the issues of unhappy marriage and impending motherhood in a more fascinating or satisfying way. And few films are more devoid of Woody Allen. I’m pretty sure Woody has never even heard of Waitress. He has been pretty busy seducing far younger women, far fresher-faced women than exist in the Waitress world.

I know you’re thinking Felicity is looking pretty old and haggard these days and it pisses you off because it makes you realize how old and haggard you yourself are getting (unless you are a man, men age like wine, women age like fruit). But you know, the old gal has picked up some fairly impressive acting chops along her way. Which should cheer you up because it goes to show, you can teach an old dog new tricks. New tricks which include an authentic white-trash, Southern accent (authentic as far as I can tell, I don’t actually know as I never consort with white-trash unless I need to buy something from Walmart).

The most impressive thing about Waitress is not the actor from Firefly. He isn’t bad, but I couldn’t figure out if he wasn’t trying to inflect his performance with a mild form of retardation. Which makes sense because 1) they only make retards doctors if the only other people available are white-trash Southerners and 2) most doctors don’t fall in love with white-trash Southerners unless they are either Mormon or mentally handicapped in some profound way. Do you think you have this movie figured out? You don’t. You don’t have a fucking clue.

Waitress is most impressive because of its ability to surprise you in about a thousand delightful ways. You think you have these characters pinned just because they talk funny and their clothes look like they were bought at Kid Rock’s garage sale? Well you fucking don’t. Fewer than 1% of films being made today have less cliche characters than waitress. Just when you think this movie is going to go Leo and Shelly from Twin Peaks – you are pulled into a moment far more vulnerable, far more daring. For people of my generation The Princess Bride is the perfect film for its novelty, its quirkiness, and its nostalgia. I have a pretty good feeling the warmth and the sincerity of Waitress are going to win over a new generation of viewers . . . $8

If you heart Adrienne Shelly’s Waitress:

Recommendations by Quispy
The Good Girl
Whatever Works
8 Women


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David Fincher’s The Social Network

O hail no! A movie bout a bunch a white boys doing shit on they computers? A bunch a white boys, prolly Final Fantasy-playin mothafuckas, at Harvard on they computers and Justo from NSYNC is in this shit too? Shit sounds boring as hail son.

And so I was surprise when my boy Scooby-Treat Facebookt me and was all, ‘has you seen this shit about FB? This shit is off tha hook big dawg!’ And I was like, ‘yo you seen it w/o me puto? Who you seen it wit?’ And he wuz like ‘doze niggas Chiya-Pet and Daze-E-Duke.’ And I woz all, ‘nobodyz txted me or nothing. Imma gonna beat yo asses!’

So tha nex day I’m at tha FB movie by myself all pissed like, this is bunk I’m gonna beat Scooby’s ass. And then I wuz like oh shit dis is actually pretty good ya’ll. I mean yeah it’s about all deez crackers and Aryan-looking muthafuckers doing what they do, such as playing on computers and math and wearing their caps backward. But dis wuz some true-life Good Will Hunting shit son. And this FB guy, this Max Zuckercorn guy – he was as much a genius wid hiz mouth as wid hiz brain yo. He be slaying muthafuckas down wif his words like, ‘you only worth my minimum wage of attention you cracker-ass snatch! I’m gonna make yo house into my ping-pong room playa! I showed you and I showed the world! I didn’t use your codes puto!’

And then JT be all like, ‘yeah dawg you tell um go fuck theyself. Now I gotta snort my cocaine rocks out this white girl’s belly buttons.’ And then this Eduardo cat be like, ‘I’m gunna fuck you up JT. Oh shit!!! My hot Asian girlfriend is lighting my trash can on fire!’

So in sum they wuz more action than I predicted. I mean, no niggaz died!!! But FB is not a life/death matter so actually that shit’d be whack if someone did get blasted all a sudden. You’d be like bitch please, you know none a these honkeyz be packin heat in they JanSports. But this did show a battle of da words, a battle of da intellects. And a battle wit Zuckercorn’s own loneliness of da soul. Also my man from NIN be layin down tha hot trax fo this. And his beats be mad bawler yo! Trent you a sick genius.

And that crazy Asian girl Eduardo passed on – I say damn!!! Girl you need to let a real man holla atchoo!! You fine as hail and you know I likes em a little wild and mentally illin. A little dangerous, a little villainous. Holla . . . $8

If you heart The Social Network:

Recommendations by DJ Gun-Ray
The People vs. Larry Flynt
Boogie Nights
Frost/Nixon

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