New Moon

New Moon was hardly watchable and I almost didn’t get through it.  I once heard Edward Cullen looked like he was jizzing in his pants every time he kissed Bella, I couldn’t get that out of my head.  I don’t blame this person for instilling this image in my head. I blame Edward Cullen. The anguish and desperation of their love is completely unbelievable, therefore, those pained kisses are nothing short of ridiculousness. Look, I didn’t walk into this movie with any expectations, I didn’t expect a delivery of any decent romance. But still… will you marry me? That’s just about the worst ending I could have possibly imagined. And there are a lot of possibilities for terrible endings.

There are many reasons why New Moon is even more unbearable than Twilight. Bella proved to be more unlikeable, still blinking too much, and still undeserving of everyone’s love.  Since she has no qualities to appreciate, except for some silly angst that might resemble mystery to some, it’s hard to understand the possibility for any meaningful connection to anyone else.  Jacob’s transformation into a sullen boy with deep secrets is not only hard to believe, it’s just fucking repetitive. Didn’t we already have this conversation with Edward? What ELSE do you got? Even still, I feel sorry for him and Bella is a heartless wanker.  I’m neither Team Jacob or Team Edward. I’d rather stick pencils in my ears…$3

If you heart New Moon:

Recommendations from Yolkie
Lost Boys
The Craft
An American Werewolf in Paris
Edward Scissorhands
Harry Potter

Recommendations from DJ Cheata
City of Angels
Underworld 3: Rise of the Lycans

Trailer: New Moon

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