Crazy, Stupid, Love

For a star studded cast, Crazy, Stupid, Love fell a little bit short of expectations. There was too much hype and too much expectation before I saw the movie. And while watching the film, I began to doubt whether I really liked movies starring Steve Carell as the main lead and the disappointment mirrored my experience when watching Date Night, except substitute Mila Kunis with Ryan Gosling as the resident hottie.

The biggest excitement of the film hands down is Ryan Gosling…I mean the only reaction you can possibly have whether you’re a guy, girl, single or not, straight, gay is HOT DAMN when you see those artfully crafted chiseled fucken abs. It was refreshing to see Ryan Gosling in a film where his function was to be just a hot piece of meat. I feel like I haven’t seen that in awhile…he’s either wooing his lady fans as the tragically lovesick lead in rom coms like The Notebook or beautifully tragic and dejected lead in Blue Valentine. It was quite cheesy the way they milk his hotness down to the Dirty Dancing “homage,” but you know nobody cares. It was actually funny to see and hear the reaction of the audience as they squirm in their seats in excitement.

Here, he plays a womanizer who volunteers his services to help Steve Carell rediscover his manhood with a makeover (one that I was not seeing significant transformation, but whatevers). Steve Carell plays the same used up role as in his other films. Frankly, it hasn’t really worked since The 40 Year Old Virgin. I will give this character more credit as it has a little more depth as he struggles between holding onto the love of his life and regaining his dignity.

The women in this film certainly took a back seat to the budding bromance of Steve and Ryan. The only thing I would say is that they didn’t really add or detract from the film. I don’t think Julianne Moore or Emma Stone was particularly great. I didn’t find their chemistry with their respective pairings particularly convincing, but I also don’t expect much of that from this sort of romcoms. Marisa Tomei was funny. Overall, the movie was entertaining, but fell a little flat. Definitely, not the best comedy of its class of the year as some might claim. The key is to watch with no expectation and you’ll walk out pleased. $6

If you heart Crazy, Stupid, Love:

Recommendations from Lil D:
Date Night
The Hangover
Bridesmaids

127 Hours

I thought wuz kinda sum pussy-ass sheet. Weaksauce son! I saw Black Swan earlier thiz week and that bizniz wuz intense as a muthafucka. I cried son! Twice and then hid in the closet! Damn if you want a watch some nightmarish as hail, thriller-ass, lezbian drama you gotza watch Black Swan. That ship got deep dawg. Natalie Portnoy – damn that chick got straight-up mentally ill!! Hotter than hail too tho all anorexic and shit – not usually into that!! Mila Kunis too aye! yai! yai!!

Not 127 Hours tho all the color drained out my nuts on this one. Furst ya’ll James Franco should not be in this shit. I’ve sized that nigga up and he would mos def not have tha sack to do this. Franco is a writer and a poet and sculptor and all sorts of gay shit. No man who writes poetry has the fuckin inner chi, the inner cojones to cut they own arm off. Franco should stick to comedy and Gucci commercials yo. I mean he wuz good in Milk but what actor can’t play a gay guy – the squirrel doesn’t fall too far from the tree.

Secondary – I’m axing myself why dit I just pay ten dollar to watch a guy stuck in a boulder for two hours. Cuz he cut his arm off at the vary end? O Hail No this shit did not warrant a movie about some hippie fo sho!! Maybe like a segment on YouTube. Some Double Rainbow kind of attention. But Danny Boyle you should know better I mean didn’t you do Slumdog? Slumdog bitch! Yo watching your talent here. Better than Harry Potter but not near as good as Black Swan holla . . . $7

Black Swan

Take it from a girl who’s gone through the shit storm of the ballet world – this movie is amaaaazingly accurate! Not that it had much competition. The only other two ballet movies people know are pretty retarded. The Red Shoes is so old its biggest selling point was the movie had technicolor. I mean, it’s right there in the freakin title. The storyline didn’t exactly stand the test of time: the ginger has to choose between her love for a man and her love for dancing. When, tell me, when has that ever been an actual choice in the history of the universe? Before I moved to New York to start auditioning, I took the $35 left in my boyfriend’s wallet and the keys to his truck. Easiest decision of my life. The only other ballet movie people know is that Neve Campbell one directed by Robert Altman, The Company. I know you didn’t watch it, so I won’t pretend I did either. What is Neve Campbell doing today? Scream 4? — And that Altman guy? Deader than the nerve endings of my big toes.

Black Swan is about a super princessy ballet dancer played by Natalie Portman who has been waiting since way before her first period to get the lead role in Swan Lake. She’s got the swan embroidered throw pillows on her baby pink sheets to prove it. You’d think this is exactly the kind of girl I would hate, but the movie uses Portman to show exactly how much ballerinas give up to be great artists. Portman still lives with her family, doesn’t go out unless to find inspiration for her dancing, and never ever eats cake. Those are pretty good rules to live by if you need to save your pennies in this economy. Me? I’m living with eleven other ballerinas in a loft full of bunk beds and every day I pick up a clump of hair in the drain that you would swear came out of a dying cat. Granted, Natalie Portman isn’t a real dancer so behind all that MTV editing the technique is just so-so, but the girl did “train” ten months to get her rib cage to pop out like that. All those shots of her hovering over a toilet must have been real easy to get. Aspiring dancers looking to fit into a smaller leotard should really pay attention; its all about frequency, girls.

The real conflict of the movie comes when Portman realizes that in order to play the Swan Queen she has to become a bitch. Otherwise, the other women in the movie – rival Mila Kunis, overbearing mom Barbara Hershey – are gonna seriously out-bitch her. Unfortunately the only person around to support Portman’s realization is her director played by Vincent Cassel. This is Cassel resurrected from La Haine, except instead of waving a gun around, this time Cassel is intimidating exclusively with his dick. To complete her transformation into bitchdom on stage, Portman needs to both want dick and fear it. The movie is no slouch about reminding you what is important. If Portman’s crotch or boobs aren’t in the shot, you can bet a big spandex bulge will be. There is just so much dick wagging in this movie, they finally had to include a hot lesbian sex scene in there just to balance it all out. That was cool with me. Everyone goes through a phase, yeah? Point is, Portman overcomes both dick and boobs and becomes the best she can be!!!

I really hope that this movie inspires a lot of little girls out there that ballet is a really really cool thing to dedicate your life to. The younger generation needs to understand that obsession is the only way to get anywhere ultimately. You can ignore a lot of the ending of the movie when things go wrong for the poor girl. Like all good ballet, if you take away all the clothes, make-up, pain, trauma, and metaphor, it’s just about girls having a good time, all the time. See ya at auditions, ladies! — $10

xoxo — tiaragirl1991


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