The Town

I remember seeing the trailer for this and being excited for exactly one thing: Don Draper layin down da law.  The other thing I remember is the theater’s collective groan (or maybe just mine) when the trailer revealed the movie’s central twist: “Affleck kidnappin his own gf!  She dunno nuffin bout hiz dark, dark crimez0rz!  He so conflictedsss!”  Yeah, well, at least the movie didn’t try to retread this big reveal.  That is probably the biggest accomplishment of this movie!

Nudity = we get to see a lot of Affleck’s manly torso, but no Don Draper.  I would think in a movie with a contemporary setting, the moviemakers would finally get Draper out of that monkey suit and into a bikini thong—sadly he rarely leaves his flak jacket.  Most memorably for Affleck, he does a pull-up and his superhuman abs are perfectly lit to emphasize his tortured soul.  I think he’s preparing for the second of three heists.  I could be wrong. The three were very distinct, but all the drama-rama going on between them mushed together for me.  Sorry, that was outside the scope of this section.  Point is Affleck’s rippedness is the main skin attraction here.  The above photo is pretty much the biggest spoiler for this movie.  The pretty gf of the movie eventually gets laid by Affleck’s machine body, but… was she even naked?  I don’t even remember side boob.   She looked like the lead lady from Gone Baby Gone – Director Affleck has got a type fo sho.  No Amy Ryan brilliant sexiness/nastiness here though.  The blondie in the rightmost box of the poster vies for that spot, but she ain’t nowhere near.  Oh yeah, I think we do see her boobs.  At least a nasty naked back.

Draper action = he gets a couple classic Don moments in there: touching his watch just so, a line to motivate his troops into action, a quick look revealing his deep frustration with the situation but only seen by us, his only possible empathizers.  He does lay down some law eventually but we don’t get to party with him at all.  Remember that California vacation ep in Season 2?  Holy… Don got down.  Four chicks in some mod house in Santa Monica, infinity pool, smokin a joint with his one free pinky.  This season, season 4, Don is STILL gettin down, even when he doesn’t wanna anymore!  I guess that’s how it goes moving into movie work—John Hamm’s gotta do a coupla these straight parts before they give him something nice and nasty.

So here’s how the movie goes = heist, talking, heist, talking, heist, forced bittersweet sadness.  For those who didn’t like all the talking during the heists in Inception, this movie is not that.  No talking during the heists!  It’s all separate.  When dudes in Boston heist, they fuggin heist, no chit-chat.  The most “whoa-that’s some real shit” moment in the movie is the very beginning when a title card appears (perhaps with a deep ominous boooom?) stating that more bank robberies occur in Boston that any other city in da wooorld!  Nothing else in the movie really matched that realness.  Except Affleck abs.  Oh, and there’s this guy from The Hurt Locker who plays the only real emotions in this movie; I didn’t see The Hurt Locker but I’m pretty sure it’s the same character—real masculine aggression: you just can’t say where it comes from!  It’s hurt and shame; it’s fear and evolutionary RAGE!

I read an interview this morning with Mindy Kaling and the interviewer revealed that the producer of The Office discovered her after reading a play she co-wrote called “Matt and Ben,” all about how Damon and Affleck came to write “Good Will Hunting.”  She actually played Affleck on stage!  That should DEFINITELY be made into a real film starring Damon and Kaling.  Affleck could direct again, just how he likes it now.  The premise alone gets $8 from me.  As for this movie though, The Town, $5.

Recommendations from Joe Joe:

  • The Sting
  • Dead Again
  • “Brian and Stewie,” Season 8, Episode 17, Family Guy
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About fatkidslist
The Fan’s Guide to Avoiding Movies that Suck Eggs and Shelling Out the $5 for Movies that Will Make Your Day

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