Somewhere illustrates how a movie star’s life can be just as dull as any regular asshole. Director Sofia Coppola has launched towards a downward trajectory of films that have become tedious to sit through.  Somewhere had a promising trailer, but it was a trick!  That Strokes song MADE the trailer, not a whole lot else to it.  After my experience with Marie Antoinette, I was not looking forward to this one, but I thought I would give Coppola one last chance.  And you blew it, Sofia.  I’m done with you.  Why?  You are asking me why I don’t want to see anymore of your painfully awful movies?  Because it is masturbatory nonsense you call art.  I don’t find anything interesting about lingering on each moment of this man’s excrutiatingly normal life.

Perhaps if there was a storyline or character to follow, there might be some meaningful connection to the movie.  But no, this movie lacked any kind of substance entirely.  At least Marie Antoinette was visually pleasing with all colorful costumes and food, in addition to an equally enchanting soundtrack .  Somewhere didn’t even have that going for it.  Instead we get to see Stephen Dorff with plaster covering his head for a good 30 seconds with nothing else to entertain us but heaving breathing.

Elle Fanning succeeded to win the audience with her youthful charm.  She did what she could with the role.  I would like to see more of her.  I don’t have anything to complain about Stephen Dorff’s performance, it wasn’t his fault that the writing was shit.  If you’ve seen the trailer, you’ve already gotten more than would you out of the movie… $3

If you heart Somewhere

Recommendations from Yolkie:
Marie Antoinette
Lost in Translation

The Good, The Bad, The Weird

Imagine if Quentin Tarantino and Clint Eastwood had a Korean baby: this would be it.  Korean dudes on horses in Manchuria?!?  Clearly, you gotta see this.  Plus, some of Korea’s most respected actors as the good, the bad and the weird.  Song Kang-ho is a supremely talented actor, previously in films like Miryang (The Secret Sunshine) and Park Chanwoo’s Thirst, Sympathy for Mr. and Lady Vengeances and JSA.  In this he plays the Weird, a treasure-seeking thief, who’s ultimate dream in life is just to go back to Korea and raise chicken and goats.  Jung Woo-sung is the Good, a bounty hunter who hunts bad dudes just cuz, well, they’re bad.  And Lee Byung Won plays the Bad, and plays bad so good…..

The movie has a good pace to it, and always steps on the border of ridiculousness, without quite overstepping the bounds of wanton superfluous violence that it could easily slip into.  The context is as insane as the get-ups; pre WWII, post Japanese occupation of Korea, where these Koreans have escaped Korea to try their fortune in the Chinese desert.  History doesn’t rule the storyline however, it just adds a bit of flavor in the plot.

Did I mention Lee Byung Won plays bad so good?  He also plays hawt so well.  HOLLA!  There’s like a good 10 minutes or so of a shirtless Lee Byung Won, seemingly for no reason but to show off his chiseled abs.   To the people who don’t believe the asian man can get cut, just take a good look at the pic above.  Show ’em how it’s done, son!

All in all, enjoyable, and oh so very cool…$8

P.S. Also available on netflix streaming!

If you heart The Good, The Bad, The Weird:
Recommendations from …:
Inglourious Basterds
Old Boy

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