OSCAR PICKS

In anticipation for the upcoming Oscars, the Fat Kids are making Oscar picks.  Here are the picks for the Mug.  They are RANKED in order from choicest pick at the top, to suckiest at the bottom.  The films that have not been seen are marked “N/A”.  And for the record, best leading actor should have gone to Ryan Gosling for Blue Valentine.

BEST PICTURE

Black Swan

 

 

The Social Network
The Fighter
The King’s Speech
True Grit
Winter’s Bone
The Kids Are All Right
Toy Story 3
Inception
127 Hours (N/A)

ACTRESS IN LEADING ROLE

Natalie Portman

 

 

Nicole Kidman
Michelle Williams
Jennifer Lawrence
Annette Bening

ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE

Colin Firth

 

 

Jeff Bridges
Jesse Eisenberg
James Franco (N/A)
Javier Bardem (N/A)

ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

Hailee Steinfield

 

 

Melissa Leo
Amy Adams
Helena Bonham Carter
Jacki Weaver (N/A)

ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

Christian Bale

 

 

John Hawkes
Geoffrey Rush
Mark Ruffalo
Jeremy Renner (N/A)

DIRECTING

Darren Aronofsky for Black Swan

 

 

David O. Russel for The Fighter
David Fincher for The Social Network
Tom Hopper for The King’s Speech
Coen Brothers for True Grit

David Fincher’s The Social Network

O hail no! A movie bout a bunch a white boys doing shit on they computers? A bunch a white boys, prolly Final Fantasy-playin mothafuckas, at Harvard on they computers and Justo from NSYNC is in this shit too? Shit sounds boring as hail son.

And so I was surprise when my boy Scooby-Treat Facebookt me and was all, ‘has you seen this shit about FB? This shit is off tha hook big dawg!’ And I was like, ‘yo you seen it w/o me puto? Who you seen it wit?’ And he wuz like ‘doze niggas Chiya-Pet and Daze-E-Duke.’ And I woz all, ‘nobodyz txted me or nothing. Imma gonna beat yo asses!’

So tha nex day I’m at tha FB movie by myself all pissed like, this is bunk I’m gonna beat Scooby’s ass. And then I wuz like oh shit dis is actually pretty good ya’ll. I mean yeah it’s about all deez crackers and Aryan-looking muthafuckers doing what they do, such as playing on computers and math and wearing their caps backward. But dis wuz some true-life Good Will Hunting shit son. And this FB guy, this Max Zuckercorn guy – he was as much a genius wid hiz mouth as wid hiz brain yo. He be slaying muthafuckas down wif his words like, ‘you only worth my minimum wage of attention you cracker-ass snatch! I’m gonna make yo house into my ping-pong room playa! I showed you and I showed the world! I didn’t use your codes puto!’

And then JT be all like, ‘yeah dawg you tell um go fuck theyself. Now I gotta snort my cocaine rocks out this white girl’s belly buttons.’ And then this Eduardo cat be like, ‘I’m gunna fuck you up JT. Oh shit!!! My hot Asian girlfriend is lighting my trash can on fire!’

So in sum they wuz more action than I predicted. I mean, no niggaz died!!! But FB is not a life/death matter so actually that shit’d be whack if someone did get blasted all a sudden. You’d be like bitch please, you know none a these honkeyz be packin heat in they JanSports. But this did show a battle of da words, a battle of da intellects. And a battle wit Zuckercorn’s own loneliness of da soul. Also my man from NIN be layin down tha hot trax fo this. And his beats be mad bawler yo! Trent you a sick genius.

And that crazy Asian girl Eduardo passed on – I say damn!!! Girl you need to let a real man holla atchoo!! You fine as hail and you know I likes em a little wild and mentally illin. A little dangerous, a little villainous. Holla . . . $8

If you heart The Social Network:

Recommendations by DJ Gun-Ray
The People vs. Larry Flynt
Boogie Nights
Frost/Nixon

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