Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon

Transformers: More than meets the eye.  Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon, also known as a very very long action sequence.  Man, I had to pee like 1 hour into the movie and almost died as I tried to hold it almost 2 hours later.  Enjoyable, not really much to talk about except the 3D portion almost made me pee in my pants, partly because it was exciting and realistic special effects, probably also mostly because I just really had to pee and the movie was ridiculously long.

Shia LeBeouf seems like an ass, not so different from the over-pumped teenage twerp he plays in the first two movies, and well the transformers are machines so did you really expect any character development there?  he gets a new girl, blond ex-Victoria Secret model Rosie Huntington-Whitley, who is actually, if you can believe it, even more flat of a 2 dimensional character than Megan Fox was in the first two, and not half as hot, but still way hotter than you’d think a dude like Shia LeBeouf could score.  AND he’s supposed to be her American sex toy or something……?!?!?

The twist in this movie is a giant American cover-up of the moon’s landing, which is a smidgen more cleverer than the first two movies that highlighted just explosions and destruction, but similar to the previous two, the main reason to watch is for the special effects, not the character development, plot, or dialogue cuz there really isn’t any to speak of.  That said, special effects are cool, I have a special place in my heart for Transformers in any case…

If you want to watch a movie, not have to think, and just drift away with the onslaught of action-packed 3D sequences and not hate the movie, this movie is for you, I just suggest visiting the restroom before the movie.  If you’d prefer to be wowed and intrigued by the movie, go elsewhere…$4

If you heart Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon:

Recommendations by…
Fast Five
Inception
Transformers

Adam McKay’s The Other Guys

O Other Guys! You are daring! You are brilliant and strange! With the exception of Hot Fuzz I don’t think I’ve watched a more interesting buddy/cop flick satirizing the conventions of the genre. I only have the vaguest impression of the narrative architecture holding you together. I think it is something like The Pelican Brief meets L.A. Confidential meets Beverly Hills Cop meets Boogie Nights. But the overarching plot is really just extraneous noise. You are strongest when examined scene to scene – there you’re constantly surprising, bravely magical, staggeringly funny.

And did I say surprising? Surprise is really an underrated gift these days – what with directors like Michael Bay, Brett Ratner, and Kevin Smith recycling the same tired muck again. One of your greatest strengths is your investment in humor that is startling.

BONUS – Steve Coogan. Not that he did a lot here, but it’s just a tiny joy to see him anywhere. Undoubtedly one of the finest comedians alive.

BONUS II – The credits. So you decided to squeeze in some socially conscious cartoons at the very end, huh? Well it worked for me. I’m ready to go pillage the vacation homes of some CEOs . . . $8

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